I’m wondering if my stifled feeling is due to a lack of creativity-ness in my life. I spend all day learning facts and figures, and yes, there’s a certain amount of wrapping your brain around a problem in medicine, but it’s all logic. Solid and real and in the here and now. And I don’t think I’m that person.
As a kid I loved to paint and draw and write. I still love to be creative – I love having a ‘project’. This can be as simple as making a poster for a choir concert, to making three Greek goddess costumes for a fancy dress party, including chicken wire animals (a deer the size of a dog, and a life size owl, since you ask). Over the summer I worked at a kid’s holiday activity centre. It was amazing, and I loved the art side of it. My kids did bigger and better and more exciting projects than the other kids, and I ran the art room for two weeks, which was just awesome. Even if I did come home covered in paint and glue and glitter everyday. Actually, especially because I came home covered in paint and glue and glitter everyday!
So, back to the wondering. I’ve started to draw again. My God, its painful, and slow, and feels like learning to use a pencil all over again. But I’m beginning to see stuff appearing on the paper that is making me feel proud. Maybe not perfect, or even as good as I’d like, but its beginning to feel right. I want to paint – right now. I am itching to pick up a paint brush and lose myself. I do have a commission for a friend’s birthday - which is great, because it’s a real ‘project’. She saw a sketch I did, and wants it worked up. And I’m itching to get started.
The sketch is two people (a man and a woman, in case you’re wondering) kissing. It’s a bit cartoony, but is has a great feel. I did a little acrylic study of it, which she really liked, though I feel it lacks the passion of the original. Jenna (the friend) wants the people painted inside a heart, which makes me want to vomit. No, really. So trite and teenage. I have been mulling it over and have decided I want to paint them with their torso melding into one, and flowing round the bottom of the paper and becoming two white (pale?) trees, up either side, with the branches reaching over their heads and intertwining. Yeah, so it needs further thinking about, but at least I have a better idea than her! (No offence Jen sweetie).
I also at some point want to complete a triptych for my wall – I have three canvases waiting for me to make my mind up. I can’t even talk about my ideas for those – I have so many!
And another thing I started is this blog. Its getting me writing again. When I did my GCSEs I wrote tons of short stories, because I had loads of time. When I did my A-levels I had less time, so I wrote poems. But because I have had no time since strting uni I haven’t written anything for about 3 years. And that’s making even just writing a little bit of fluff for this blog like getting blood from a stone!
But maybe, with time, I’ll find that place again, and it’ll flow like blood from a cannula when you lose the cap…