The Medschool lied to me. They LIED.
The day of reckoning is THURSDAY.
That’s right folks; the OSCE is on Thursday, not Friday.
And it’s EIGHT STATIONS. We were told six. Yet again, they lied.
Ah, woe is me.
But there may be a way forward through the paralysing fear I am feeling right now. I felt like this when I had to take my anatomy viva last year and was absolutely all over the place. My feedback from the examiners was ‘don’t panic, you know your stuff’. I have never felt so nervous, so sick, so faint, so scared in all my life. I literally felt as though it were the end of the world, the be all and end all of everything.
Obviously it wasn’t. I mean, it was just a 10 minute anatomy viva.
And yet I am the kind of person who is chilled about singing in front of crowds. In front of my peers, always the most terrifying! I actually choose to do it. So I’m going to make OSCEs a performance. It can be just me acting out the part of ‘medical student’. Oh, sorry, that should be ‘medical student who knows something’.
I mean, that’s essentially all it is – medical students acting out the part of doctors. So I’ll put another layer on that. I’ll be me, acting being a med student acting being a doctor. Maybe one day I’ll progress to acting ‘perfect medical student’ or even ‘doctor’, but let’s not run before I can walk. Or stagger.
So I now have precisely 5 days to perfect my ‘medical student with moderate knowledge’ act. It’s going to be a tough call. I think maybe I should read some Stanislavsky. Or maybe just stick to Clinical Examination…
On another note about stress, on the way back from my paeds exam I was chatting to the one of the other girls in my GP group about exams, saying that no-one ever takes my exam worries seriously. They always say ‘but you’ll be fine, you’re always fine, you always do really well’. It used to be true. At GCSE and A-level, I was always fine, and mostly was better than fine. But it’s a whole different ball game now, and one day I might not have done enough to get through. I might not be enough to get through that exam. And no-one will believe me.
I’m sorry, I’m not so good at chirpy right now. I am struggling to get through the next two weeks. In two weeks time I will be packed and ready for home. That’s a very lovely thought. The thought that is keeping me going - home for a whole week with NOTHING to do. Joy. I cannot wait.
For the moment I am going survive with fresh air. We have spring and sunshine and jacket weather (finally!), so I am going to cycle the tow path tomorrow. In the first and second year walking the tow path kept me sane while revising. But this year I have a bike… how exciting!
(My paeds viva today was okay. Not brilliant, but not a failure. I think I’ll pass.)