Sunday, March 19, 2006

Inspiration... or lack of

So I promised a real post, something of substance. Unfortunately I am having an inspiration problem.

It’s affecting all areas of my life. Right now, I am desperate to paint, but I don’t know what to put on the paper. It’s been so long since I did paint, that I’ve forgotten where to start. I’ve got a few ideas, but nothing concrete. What I really need is a single starting point, and then be able to take it further, and explore it. However, what with the fact that I’m a medical student, not an art student, and this is the last week before the exams start, I don’t have the time to sit and spend hours just sketching and playing with pencils and paint and crayons.

We do have a 3 week ‘term’ after Easter that is devoted to a Special Study Module. It’s a report in an area of interest – one of those things we have to do to prove that we’re well-rounded learners. Last year, I did one in Biological Science, and chose comparative physiology. So I spent 2 months reading up on hibernation and artic ground squirrels, alongside learning about renal tubules and hormonal and neuronal control of the GIT. It was really enjoyable and interesting – did you know the artic ground squirrel can lower its core body temperature to -2.9ºC during hibernation? How amazing is that?

(Ok so not hugely relevant to becoming a doctor, but still pretty life enhancing).

This year I’ve got to do a Medicine in Society (Bollox) module. I’m looking forward to it. No, really. There are some great module choices. I like the look of Hypnosis, Addictive Behaviours and Homeopathy.

There’s one that’s really got my attention though – Creative Writing. On one hand, this is bollox modules at their most extreme – writing poetry on a medical course? On the other hand, this is a great opportunity for me to unleash some of my pent-up creativity. And hopefully learn something in the process. I think 3 weeks of writing short stories and poems and prose sounds wonderful. And hopefully something in the visual arts will come out of it as well. There are two options for a final report for this project – an essay on the current use of the fiction in medicine, or a log book. I am on the log-book side. I reckon that I could pop some sketches in there too. I just hope I get that module – we have to put forward our top 4 choices. I really want to do this one… It’s definitely my first choice.

I quite often get worried that I picked wrong. That maybe I shouldn’t have done the science thing. Maybe I should have done Art and English and Music at A-level, and picked a career in the Arts. Don’t know what though. Maybe something in teaching? Ha, I can just see that now, Miss Anna, Art teacher.

I’m pretty sure I did choose the right career though. I think the whole ‘maybe I should have done the Arts’ is a safety net, a get out clause. It means if I fail at this, I can just say, ‘Its ok, I wasn’t meant to do that anyway, I was meant to be in the Arts’. And right now, I’m very scared of failing. Medicine is daunting, and someone is always better/knows more/understands. I can’t believe that one day it’ll all be in my head. I am pretty sure that my head is not actually big enough. I’ve also had a couple of not good enough experiences this week. And it’s 2 weeks til the OSCE week. Argh!

Anyway, I ought to go and get on with some work – yeah, check me, blogging at a reasonable time, not the middle of the night – to reduce the failure risk. To increase my chances of being enough.


Marysienka said...

It seems like we have this other point in common. I'm scared of failing as well, and I just don't know how I'll be able to remember everything we learn. Some ppl are just brains on 2 feet! I'm definetaly not in this group. And I've always said that if I were not in meds, you'd see me a stage playing music, or in another art department.
But we'll get through it, and love our job :)

Marysienka said...

btw, you were tagged too.