Friday, March 31, 2006

They LIED, dammit

The Medschool lied to me. They LIED.

The day of reckoning is THURSDAY.

That’s right folks; the OSCE is on Thursday, not Friday.

And it’s EIGHT STATIONS. We were told six. Yet again, they lied.

Ah, woe is me.

But there may be a way forward through the paralysing fear I am feeling right now. I felt like this when I had to take my anatomy viva last year and was absolutely all over the place. My feedback from the examiners was ‘don’t panic, you know your stuff’. I have never felt so nervous, so sick, so faint, so scared in all my life. I literally felt as though it were the end of the world, the be all and end all of everything.

Obviously it wasn’t. I mean, it was just a 10 minute anatomy viva.

And yet I am the kind of person who is chilled about singing in front of crowds. In front of my peers, always the most terrifying! I actually choose to do it. So I’m going to make OSCEs a performance. It can be just me acting out the part of ‘medical student’. Oh, sorry, that should be ‘medical student who knows something’.

I mean, that’s essentially all it is – medical students acting out the part of doctors. So I’ll put another layer on that. I’ll be me, acting being a med student acting being a doctor. Maybe one day I’ll progress to acting ‘perfect medical student’ or even ‘doctor’, but let’s not run before I can walk. Or stagger.

So I now have precisely 5 days to perfect my ‘medical student with moderate knowledge’ act. It’s going to be a tough call. I think maybe I should read some Stanislavsky. Or maybe just stick to Clinical Examination…

On another note about stress, on the way back from my paeds exam I was chatting to the one of the other girls in my GP group about exams, saying that no-one ever takes my exam worries seriously. They always say ‘but you’ll be fine, you’re always fine, you always do really well’. It used to be true. At GCSE and A-level, I was always fine, and mostly was better than fine. But it’s a whole different ball game now, and one day I might not have done enough to get through. I might not be enough to get through that exam. And no-one will believe me.

I’m sorry, I’m not so good at chirpy right now. I am struggling to get through the next two weeks. In two weeks time I will be packed and ready for home. That’s a very lovely thought. The thought that is keeping me going - home for a whole week with NOTHING to do. Joy. I cannot wait.

For the moment I am going survive with fresh air. We have spring and sunshine and jacket weather (finally!), so I am going to cycle the tow path tomorrow. In the first and second year walking the tow path kept me sane while revising. But this year I have a bike… how exciting! Birmingham has some wonderful canals, sparkling and with all-weather resurfaced tow paths. But some are still pretty nasty, and full of old shopping trolleys, and probably the odd body. Yuk. I’ll take it though, as a bit of R&R. It may not be perfect and it may not be home, but it’ll do for now.

(My paeds viva today was okay. Not brilliant, but not a failure. I think I’ll pass.)


Tall Medstudent said...

Funny you should mention that about acting. We spend a lot of time with SPs here, and it always makes me nervous. I don't get nervous like that with real patients in the clinic; it has something to do with the 'act' that my mind has trouble with. I've also recently realized that if the SP is acting, I should be acting too... and it works for me. :)

Marysienka said...

Doctors always lie :-P

I hate simulated interviews. I'm also more nervous in that situation than in reality. Perhaps we should take tall medstudent's advice and tell ourselves that if the patient is acting, then we should be acting too hehehe! (easier said than done tho ;o) )

As for "you'll do fine, you always do", I know that sentence too... eek ppl just don't get it.

the world doesnt understand us, oh so poor little beasts that we are. ;-)))

Anna said...

I hate 'role play' as our simulated interviews are called. We always get feedback after, where the role player comes out of cahracter and talks about the patient in third person - 'she was feeling like this when you said this', utter bollox in my opinion.

Last time I did a role play it was with a 'patient' who'd tried to kill herself and I hadn't a clue what to say. So I didnt say anything, and the role player got very enthusiastic over my 'excellent use of silence'. Ha!

And you're right, its a very tough life. Poor us!