Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Medschool, Motherhood, Madness

Busy day today.

I went to outpatient clinic this morning, then out with the home treatment team in the afternoon (crisis management), then back to hospital to read up on patient notes, home to eat toast and get changed then a quick run to Medschool for my first carol service of the year. While sitting in said carol service, I realised that this was the fourth year running I had sat in the same seat, with the choir. And that next year will be my fifth and final year. I do not know where I will be the year after that…

Sylvia and I were chatting about life, direction, and motherhood earlier. We were both getting ridiculously broody over Sir Robert Winston’s A Child Against All Odds programme. We were discussing the relative pros and cons of when to have babies. I have always said I would like to have a baby before reaching 30. And that’s now only 8 years away. Argh!

Currently reading: An Unquiet Mind, by Kay Redfield Jamison. She is a doctor of psychiatry suffering from bipolar affective disorder. The issues surrounding her struggles were brought home to me by a patient I saw in clinic this morning. A patient who once again managed to confound all my expectations of psychiatry. She was young, fashionably dressed, pretty, spoke conherently, sensibly, emotionally – in fact seemed just like any of my friends. Except she was extremely psychotic. Everything she said was frighteningly delusional. The kind of delusion that almost makes sense, where you can see how it grew from a seed of truth…

Does psych scare me because it reminds me how fragile a grip we all have on reality? I am someone who defines my sense of self by my mind – my intelligence, humour, creativity and ‘quirkiness’. If I were to be hit with a mental disorder, how would I know were to come back to?


med neophyte said...

When to have a baby has been an issue for me lately. Friends and family have been procreating left, right and centre so it is on the mind. I thought that I would have a baby before I was 30 (not mathmatically possible) or at least 35 (will probably be in residency still). But things don't always go as we planned.

I find that most people have a hard time confronting psychiatric problems because, at least from a healthy person's perspective, they can most directly effect who we are, or at least our view of who we are. That is very scarey. I am not sure this is always true (learning you are going to die of leukemia probably has the same potential to touch the soul as depression, but I haven't had to experience either so I can't say) but it is an understandable reaction.

Anna said...

Ooo have a baby! Then you can post gorgeous pics of he/she and make me jealous.

Ok, so that may not be the best reason to have a baby...but it is a reason!

I don't know, I think maybe I am just not liking the consultant I'm working with or the hospital I'm placed in. I think its colouring my judgement slightly.

peace said...

This sums up my dilemma with psychiatry. It was scar coming up to such conclusion.How fragile we are!