Monday, February 27, 2006

Daily Grind

I’ve just been so busy! Running around doing and being everything. And not achieving anything. I am trying to do too much and be too much and its driving me crazy. I sometimes feel that all I want is out of the rat-race. I don’t want to be poor, I don’t want to ask my parents to help me out, I don’t want to do exams, I don’t want to learn IASGPMMSCP about EVERY disease there EVER was, I don’t want to go n at 7.30am every day, I don’t want to do research project – I want out.

I want to live on a narrow boat and draw and paint and play music and not HAVE to do anything. I think I’d achieve a lot more that way. I know that I’d be a nicer person too.

Maybe I don’t want to be enough anymore. Maybe I don’t care about being enough.

It is never too late to become the person you might have been.

Unknown

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Half way

The half way party last night was awesome. I went out not up for it, feeling … well, just rubbish (fat and ugly). But with a little truly cheesy music, bad costumes, compliments on my third eye, and yes, I admit, some vodka and tequila, I was on top form!

The third eye costume was perfect. I painted them (to match, of course) in acrylics on paper – one each for me, Jen and Mirabel, and then stuck them on with eyelash glue. Some black eyeliner and false eyelashes later, and we were very freaky… We were dressed normally, which somehow added to the weirdness. People looked at us, then double took as they clocked the eye. Hilarious!

Today has been long. Hangover was averted by staying in bed very late (no teaching this morning so my firm elected not to bother going in, but then we had lectures from 4pm til 7pm. Personally, I think it contravenes university laws. Every uni student in the whole of England has Wednesday afternoon off for ‘sport’. It’s a great idea – allowing uni sports matches to take place without people missing teaching. And it’s wonderful for those of us not on a sports team! But this year the medschool are giving with one hand and taking away with the other. ‘Have Wednesday afternoons off, but we’re giving you Wednesday evening lectures instead.’ Mean bastards.

So I went to the lectures – about research ethics, being an expert witness and negligence cases. Highly riveting. Not. Then I went straight to choir, and didn’t get home til 10pm, when I finally had my dinner!

And now I am knackered, so I am going go get some shut eye. Nighty night x

Monday, February 20, 2006

Slightly crazy day today. The weather’s been completely up the spout and its sent me that way too. Rain, sunshine, hail, wind – we’ve had the lot. Its been very April-shower-ish, and makes me feel Spring like!

I went shopping for fangs today. Yes, really. It’s our ‘Freek or geek’ half way party tomorrow, and me, Jenna and Mirabel were going to go as vampires (easy freak we thought), but could I find any shops selling them? No. I even cycled a ouple of miles to a fancy dress shop. Yeah, should have rung as it was closed. Like forever. Bollox.

But all is not lost. I am going to paint 3 eyes tomorrow, one for each of us, and we’re going to stick them to our foreheads (with eyelash glue!) and go as the three three-eyed freaks! Woooo!

It’s actually very scary that it’s our half-way party already. I mean, this is it. I am half-way (barring any accidents..!) to being a doctor. Two and a half years gone, just like that. How can that be? I don’t feel half way to being a doctor, even a very scatty FY1!

I continue to hope and pray to be enough.

-

<>Rach (my housemate), Jenna, Mirabel and me went to a great gig tonight – the boy least likely to, at bar academy. It was really good fun. The band is a bunch of very shiny happy people with singable happy melodies and great use of loads of different and unusual instruments. I was bopping and clapping and generally loving it! Especially the bubble machine in the finale!

-

I read an article yesterday about blogs. All about people who use them to make money, who run them as companies. Some people don’t mean to start them that way, but others purposefully use them like that. Weird huh?

It certainly made me think. I think blogs are for communicating, for a bit of self venting. For me this is more of a diary, but I think I put it here because ist a safe sort of exhibitionism. No-one knows me, it doesn’t matter if no one reads it, but it serves a purpose for me just being out there.

Maybe it’s because I am a repressed prima donna. It comes from the singing I think. My voice is soprano, and amateur sops are notorious for being difficult, awkward, show-offy, can’t manage if they’re not singing the tune, and I have all the worse of those qualities. In the medics choir, I am the lead first sop (ummm that’s like the higher part of the top vocal line) and also the only person who always puts forward a solo item for every concert. Now, I am talented enough to do that at the (very local) level we sing at, but so are several other people in the choir. They don’t always put themselves forward. And that’s the exhibitionist part of me. Safe but still showing-off!

Something I’d love to do one day is to be a lounge singer, just for a night. The whole clich├ęd shebang. A long red sequinned gown, red elbow length gloves, some very glittery rocks, some very high heels, big hair, a grand piano and a handsome man playing. And yes, I would lie – no, lounge – on that piano. It would be faaaaabulous, dahling!

-

And now I have finished rambling on. As you can see, going to see live music and singing and dancing puts me on a high, and I need seriously amounts of slowing down time. But I have eaten some chicken casserole (made by moi today, absolutely lush, rich and sage-y), had a cup of tea and now I am finally ready for bed!

(Oooo, had my first comment, a very exciting moment for me! I am going to also attempt to sort out the links bit – put in favourite sites and of course, my favourite daily blogs! And hopefully the link I put in for the boy least likely to works!)

Sunday, February 19, 2006

I hate Mondays

How can it possible be Monday AGAIN tomorrow?

Its been a long and unproductive day, despite good few hours work. I just don’t seem to be making any headway. How am I ever going to be a doctor? I am struggling to get through 3rd year.

I am not enough today.

Lazy day

Gorgeous, snuggled and lazy lie-in this morning. I love the weekend!

The early mornings are definitely the worst thing about being a med student. I hate getting up in the dark at 6am, a time that normally only features on my radar from the other side… I am a true night owl, and even when I’m getting up at 6am every day, I still don’t get to bed til gone midnight. So as we go from Monday to Friday, I get progressively grumpier. Which is unpleasant for my housemates.

But it also makes Saturday morning perfect. I hate having to get up for any reason – I believe I should be able to stay in be until I am ready to get up!

That was at 1pm today…

I did have some very weird dreams this morning while in that state between wakling and sleeping, including one about a friend from home, Tom, who I saw at Christmas for the first time in about 2 years. The dream was very strange – we were in church, singing in the choir (that’s normal – I knew him from the church choir!) and a small child came and gave me a penny, and told me he loved me. In a normal child-like way – nothing weird or paedophilic! Then Tom gave me a ‘look’ and tossed me a five pence piece.

‘Now you’re mine.’

Now Tom has never been that sort of friend. I was a year above him at school, and we were only friends at choir. We were actually very good friends but never in any other context. I used to walk home with him and we could talk for England, but it was never anything more. I think it’s just that this dream was so real that I’m wierded out by it!

Anyway, moving on from boring dream stories, I’ve had a great day. A lazy afternoon, went shopping with Mirabel, my best friend, who I hadn’t seen for ages til we went to Medbar together last night. We pottered about the Bullring, and tried on ball gown in Monsoon (exactly a fortnight til Medball!), went to the Italian deli for tea, then headed to the cinema to see Casanova. Want my advice? Don’t go see it if you hate historical inaccuracies, ridiculous stunts and ludicrous plot lines. Like me…

Heath Ledger looked good though, probably even better than in the gay cowboy film. He’s always worth the ticket price!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

To my best friend...

To my best friend,

I remembered tonight why and who you are. I’m sorry for forgetting. You are my best friend because you are kind, understanding, funny, bright and strong. You have a warmth and humour that is rarely found, and I am truly blessed for being friends with you.

The last few weeks I’ve barely seen you, and it’s made me forget why I love you. I began to think that you were just an ‘ordinary’ friend. But tonight we went out together and I remembered what makes you so special.

Sure, I find it easier to articulate my feelings with some lubrication (a bottle of white does the trick wonderfully!) but you are the only person I ever truly open up to. I enjoyed talking to you tonight, about death and illness and loss and life. You are the only person I can talk to like that.

And yet, although I have my deepest conversations with you, I know that I can laugh and smile and joke with you. That it doesn’t all have to be deadly serious! We have fun and we have the ‘D and Ms’. That’s what makes you so special.

So this is my ode to you, best friend. If you read my blog, you’d know who you were. As it is, this would be too close to home – you already know everything about me, let me have a small piece of privacy! But know this – I don’t ever want to be without you.

Stay true to yourself, and stay friends with me…

Much love,

Anna

Monday, February 13, 2006

Corruption

Well, a great weekend was had by all!

Hannah (my little cuz) came up on Saturday morning, and we went shopping in the afternoon, round the Bullring (Selfridges’ have the Matthew Williamson dress Keira Knightley wore to the Pride and Prejudice premiere – tis beeeeeeautiful and devastatingly expensive). We met my brother in the afternoon, for coffee, before he went to ‘do stuff’ with his mate Tyler. Both me and Hannah had sent James several messages to remind him to bring his id and Hannah’s with him, as they were both in Stafford. I asked him ‘Have you got them?’ and he said…

‘No, I forgot them.’

Rubbish boy. So he had to go back to Stafford to get the ids. I couldn’t believe he could be so stupid.

But before going back to Stafford, he was even more stupid. He had his bottom lip pierced.

Twice.

Now, I don’t mind piercing of the ear, or even eyebrow, or belly button, or places where I don’t have to know or care about. But oral piercings make my skin crawl. Eugh. So I wasn’t impressed, but I was also very quickly over it. I mean, its his face to fuck up if he really wants.

The rents didn’t agree.

He is up to his neck in shit with my parents. My dad refused to speak to him. My mum is still not happy about it, and I wasn’t brave enough to mention it to Dad when I spoke to him on the phone tonight…

Anyway, he went bavk for the ids and we took Hannah to her first club ever. Ahem, she is only 16. We got her pissed, and she had a great time (we went to Snobs – if you’re ever in Brum and you’re mildly alternative and tight with money, got there cos it’s a wicked and cheap night out). There was vodka, tequila, chips and a kebab, taxi ride home and no chundering! She was brilliant company and my brother was a laugh too. I had a great time.

Sunday, we lazed around, watching telly and eating cheese toasties, then went to see Memoirs of a Geisha (again for me!). This morning she went home, a happy little bunny. I mean, how cool is that – the first time she went clubbing was in the centre of Birmingham, aged 16, with her two older cousins! I never had that dubious pleasure.

And now I really must go to bed – just look at the time! I have to be up at 6am…

Saturday, February 11, 2006

What a wonderful world...

Hurrah! It’s the weekend!

I had a (legitimate) day off today. I know, I know, I should have done some work (OSCEs looming…) but I did do lots of useful things. Like put my art work on a pinboard, and rearrange my vast earring collection. Um, yeah, so it’s been fruitful.

It has been a beeeeeeeautiful day in fair Birmingham. The sky was the eye-aching blue of the Mediterranean, and the sun shone on that low winter slant. The University’s main buildings are red brick, and on a day like today they just ‘pop’. The red glows, and against the searing sky – wow. Days like today remind how wonderful the world is.

And on that happy clappy note, I am definitely gonna go get some shut eye!

PS I found the thing to change the post time, so changed it to GMT so I wouldn’t have to keep switching the damn thing on each post. Unfortunately it changed the times on all my other posts – which has made them very early in the morning instead of very late at night. Oops.

PPS The GMT line from Greenwich (oddly enough) runs south and right through my home town of East Grinstead. How cool is that?!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

100 things...

1. I was born in Sussex, South East England. It will always be home.

2. At home I live with my mum, dad, brother and sister. We’re a close family.

3. Birmingham is my second home, because I go to uni there.

4. I study medicine and want to be a GP one day.

5. Although my greatest aim in life is to earn enough money to be able to work part-time and still afford to pay someone to do my washing and ironing…

6. In case you can’t tell, I hate housework.

7. Its one of the worst things about living away from home.

8. And one of the best things about the holidays!

9. That’s a lie really, I love being at home with my family just for being with them.

10. I love to sing. Really loudly.

11. My favourite piece of choral music is Faure’s Requiem. I am going to commission it to be sung at my funeral.

12. I don’t have one favourite song ever, and am highly suspicious of those who have. Bit narrow minded really isn’t it?

13. Or am I just indecisive?

14. I like planning and writing lists. God knows why, I can’t stick to them.

15. I know lots of people, but have only a few really good friends.

16. My flatmates Becca and Ailsa are two of my closest friends. I met them by complete chance last 2 years ago when we were put in the same flat in uni accommodation. It was called ‘Maple Bank’ which was extraordinarily euphemistic and normally shortened to Maple Skank. Ah, the brilliant humour of the nation’s brightest young things.

17. Birmingham has more canals than Venice.

18. I know, amazing. Yeah, some are full of yuk and supermarket trolleys but some really nice. The one by the Mail Box in the centre of town is lovely.

19. I have a thing about dangly earrings. The bigger and sparklier the better. I have been accused of occasionally heading in a Pat Butcher direction but I maintain that I have much more class than her.

20. I am the eternal optimist. With a good streak of cynicism.

21. I love the changing skies of England. You never quite know what the weather will do.

22. However, rain seems to feature quite highly.

23. I met some Americans once, who told me how much they admired the English who carrying on even when it was pouring with rain. I just laughed – how else would we get anything done in this country?

24. Even thought there are some things about my country I hate, I could never live anywhere else.

25. I hate camping. Don’t get me wrong, I love being outdoors, as long as there is an indoors to come back to.

26. It’s the same with backpacking. I like the idea of it, but would need a hot shower, a warm soft bed and an absence of creepy crawlies every night.

27. That’s another reason for loving England – its lack of really creepy creepy crawlies and poisonous animals.

28. And natural disasters. I’m terrified of volcanoes.

29. My favourite book is probably ‘Pride and Prejudice’ by Jane Austen.

30. Although the entire Discworld series comes a very close second.

31. My favourite Discworld character is Granny Weatherwax, although I think I’m probably a Magrat.

32. Pretty shoes make me happy.

33. Until they rub my feet.

34. I love medicine because it’s a chance to give something back.

35. Also I’m a nosy, perfectionist, control freak. Seems to be pretty common among medics.

36. I love music. I don’t have a favourite band, but kinda like singer-songwriters and bands of the indie/rock persuasion mostly.

37. Actually, I’m being pretentious. Really, I like anything with a good tune.

38. I play the piano – pretty well.

39. I enjoy playing classical and modern piano pieces, but mostly I love to accompany my own singing. That to me is the point of all those lessons and the hours of practice I did as a kid!

40. I failed the scales section of Grade 4 piano when I was about 13. I only passed that exam by 4 marks.

41. I failed a piece (!) in Grade 5 piano a couple of years later. I only passed that exam by 3 marks.

42. Yeah, I stopped after that. The torture was too much. And I couldn’t be bothered to learn enough theory to pass Grade 5 theory, which you have to have to do Grades 6, 7 and 8.

43. Shucks.

44. I did get a distinction in Grade 1 piano when I was 10. See, that was an achievement.

45. My school peers voted me ‘Most likely to be PM’ and ‘Most likely to become a Nun’ in our end of sixth form awards. Yeah, thanks guys…..

46. Yes, I am still single. But to be honest, being single is a lot of fun, and I cannot be arsed to deal with boyfriend stress right now.

47. Yeah, every time I get pissed I moan about not having a boyfriend.

48. I would never be a politician though. I just don’t have the conviction or the ability to lie (my guilty expression is a dead giveaway).

49. I am pretty liberal in my political outlook. I am a true believer in state maintained NHS and benefits and so on and so forth. I just wish our country could decide one way or the other. I mean, is it higher taxes and better public services? Or is it lower taxes and private all the way? At the moment I think we were doing neither scheme very effectively.

50. I have blonde hair and dark blue eyes. I take after my dad’s side of the family, who gifted me a wide round face, big round eyes and a blobby nose. Thanks guys.

51. I don’t like my round face, but is does give me a great resonant space for singing woohoo!

52. My lil bro and sis look completely different to me and each other. Which is great, because people don’t always pick up on the family ties. Hurrah!

53. My little sister is 10 years younger than me. It’s a great gap. My brother is 7 years older than her, and it works really well. I’m just gutted by the fact than when she’s the age I am now, I’ll be….gulp…31...

54. I’m an Anglican Christian via upbringing and my own choice. I still go to church but am going through a stage where I am not sure about the existence of God.

55. However, going to church on a Sunday morning clears my head and opens my mind to spiritual thoughts. It’s pretty easy for life to pass you by on a completely superficial level if you don’t ever stop to think about it.

56. I also enjoy the social interactions and hymn singing that happens at church. It provides me with my only source of non-student socialising while I’m at uni, and I think it’s important to have that, because otherwise you end up thinking that the world is entirely populated by young 20-somethings. Oh yeah, and lecturers, but they’re a not even human. Are they?

57. Going to church on Sundays also means getting up at 7.30am every Sunday, which helps moderate Saturday night drinking….usually!

58. My favourite film is the Sound of Music. I love the songs, I love Julie Andrews, I have a bit of a crush on the Captain…..

59. Mmmmm, the Captain…

60. I have a confession about films tho – I love romantic comedies. Although I’ve seen many great American (Hollywood) romcoms, I still think the Brits, and more specifically Richard Curtis, do ‘em best. Love Actually is awesomely brilliant. Truly.

61. I do like films that make you think, and I’ll quite happily watch action-type films, but I hate horror films.

62. Mainly because I get scared out of my mind by what are considered mild horror films. I am just a big wuss, I guess.

63. I have my Dean’s Chorister Award, which is now called a Bronze Award I think.

64. It’s for church singing. You have to sing hymns, anthems, pass a bit on aural skills, answer some questions on the church year.

65. I have many cousins. 12 actual cousins, plus 2 sort of cousins, and another on the way.

66. My eldest cousin got married in January 2005, in a wonderful lavish ceremony and reception. It was a great day.

67. My little sister was a bridesmaid. She looked gorgeous.

68. Pet hate: Obvious grammar and spelling mistakes. Which is why I am paranoid about making them! And yet know that I do all the time.

69. That pet hate extends to people who use ‘txt spk’ all the time. Some, especially in texts or even emails, I will allow, but not rampant disregard for the English language.

70. I wish grammar was actually taught in schools. I never learnt no grammar at school.

71. And foreign languages. I wish I had been taught French, German, Italian and Spanish at Primary School.

72. I have a GCSE in the first three, but cannot remember a word of it, and have never learnt any Spanish.

73. Other pet hate: People sniffing. This comes from my mother, who has been known to offer sniffing strangers tissues, for instance while standing in queues. Ooo, I also hate people who let drips dangle from their noses. Urgh. That is disgusting.

74. I love driving, but only when everyone else gets out of my way. I hate driving when it’s busy. I especially hate my home town at around 5pm on a weekday because every single person driving is out to get me I swear.

75. I like night driving, along big wide straight roads.

76. Hot, buttered toast is the food of gods. Only with real butter and it must be hot. Not warm, and especially not cold. Eugh.

77. I love tea. My whole family are massive tea drinkers and so I think I inherited it.

78. I like weak, black Earl Grey.

79. I do not drink milk. I don’t like it straight or in tea (urgh) and have now converted to soya milk in porridge and hot chocolate.

80. I have also given up cheese and yogurt, which is soooo hard. Unfortunately, it helps stop me being too full of mucus, which aint good for the singing.

81. I miss cheese a lot, but surprisingly also miss yogurt loads. My favourite TV snack last year was a bowl of frozen berries with strawberry wholegrain yogurt on top. I miss it so much.

82. I like food.

83. Which may account for my rather voluptuous figure…..

84. Sugar is my downfall. I have an exceptionally sweet tooth. Not good. I worry about diabetes in later life, but I still struggle to change my habits.

85. I do eat a lot of fruit and veg, especially cabbage, because I don’t want bowel cancer.

86. My first ‘boyfriend’ was Gary. He was 5, I was 4 years old.

87. My first real crush? Embarrassingly a boy I went to school with named Steven. I didn’t really know anything about him, but when I finally got to know him I discovered he was highly irritating and I didn’t fancy him at all.

88. We ended up becoming friends, and both applying to medicine. He thought he was cleverer than me – he could do maths, and had got an offer to go to Cambridge. But now who’s laughing? He didn’t realise that actually, I was a better academic performer, though it should have been obvious from that fact I got 9A*s, 2 As and a B at GCSE and was top of the year. He didn’t get in to medicine and I did.

89. I don’t ever laugh at him though, despite him always taking the mick out of me whenever I see him. I know how much it would have killed me not to get a place, so I am gracious in victory.

90. I am not sure I have the moral fibre to have been gracious in defeat…

91. My greatest dream in life is to be a mother.

92. I would like a whole brood of kids – 4 I think. I am desperately afraid of infertility, and not being able to have children.

93. On the whole breastfeeding debate, I come down on the side of yes. But only as far (maximum) as a year.

94. I can’t believe I’ve come up with 94 things already. But now I am running out of ideas.

95. My Dad once dated Anneka Rice (yes, her of Challenge Anneka fame). It didn’t last long: he started going out with my Mum when he was 18.

96. She was only 15 at the time.

97. They met when my uncle Ratty broke his leg in a motorbike accident, and was in hospital opposite a boy who’d also broken his leg on a motorbike. They became friends, and the boy hung out at with Ratty and his brothers while they were recuperating. Ratty’s little sister, the future my Mum, thought he was cute, her brothers liked him, he took their mother (my Nan) shopping, and the rest, they say, is history.

98. My Dad ended up having major surgery and a bone graft. His twin brother had an above knee amputation due to a motorbike accident. Uncle Ratty (who’s real name was Peter) was killed in a motorbike accident in February 1986.

99. And Dad wonders why Mum won’t let him have another bike?

100. Hurrah! Made it to one hundred. If you’ve made it this far, you now know 99 useless things about me. Lucky you!

I love Day Nurse

I am feeling so much better today – hurrah! Have a new addiction to Day Nurse though…

We had our ophthalmology lecture evening tonight. Yeah, it’s not enough that we’re in hospital all week, we also have lectures on Wednesdays, 4 til 7. Lucky med students. It was ok, but the most important thing I learnt was that eyes are disgusting and I do not want to be an ophthalmologist. I did do lots of purposeful doodling – that’s is drawing stuff not just abstract sketching as I normally do. I came up with a nice angel-ish winged figure type thing, which I might work up as a watercolour. Don’t know when I’ll be doing this but hey, there’ll be time eventually!

I was also re-elected as secretary of Medchoir, which I am very pleased about.

And I spent some money I don’t have ordering rings off the internet. Ooops.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Physician, Heal Thyself

So I’m sick. I’ve been sick all weekend actually, and had the day off yesterday. I went in today, mainly to do my presentation, but only got to 11am before the rest of my firm sent me home. I felt terrible – and looked it too apparently (not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing).

So I am alive but I still have to do that presentation. Yay, lucky me.

I hate being ill. I’m completely rubbish at it, and feel very guilty. But I must let myself actually get better this time. Because if I don’t, it’ll end up like last term. Last term, I carried on, never properly recovering from several bouts of flu-like symptoms. I spent much of the term feeling depressed, mainly because my health was below par all the time. I cried a lot on the phone to my mum. She was sympathetic at first then got cross. ‘It’s because you don’t take care of yourself!’ she ranted, and I have to concede that she was (and always is) right.

As an aside, is the ability to always be right a gift of the Gods, achieved after the divine sacrifice of the placenta?

So I am on a regime of early nights and no drinking this week. Ready for the weekend, when my little bro and little cousin are coming to stay for some hard-core student partying.

Oh dear. I had better start praying for a miracle cure…

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

One day more

<>Tomorrow is the presentation to Dr Smooth. I am trying to be cool but not sure I am achieving it. I really don’t want to do this…


Will report back from the frontline of medical education tomorrow.

If I survive that is.


Monday, February 06, 2006

Creative Juices

I’m wondering if my stifled feeling is due to a lack of creativity-ness in my life. I spend all day learning facts and figures, and yes, there’s a certain amount of wrapping your brain around a problem in medicine, but it’s all logic. Solid and real and in the here and now. And I don’t think I’m that person.

As a kid I loved to paint and draw and write. I still love to be creative – I love having a ‘project’. This can be as simple as making a poster for a choir concert, to making three Greek goddess costumes for a fancy dress party, including chicken wire animals (a deer the size of a dog, and a life size owl, since you ask). Over the summer I worked at a kid’s holiday activity centre. It was amazing, and I loved the art side of it. My kids did bigger and better and more exciting projects than the other kids, and I ran the art room for two weeks, which was just awesome. Even if I did come home covered in paint and glue and glitter everyday. Actually, especially because I came home covered in paint and glue and glitter everyday!

So, back to the wondering. I’ve started to draw again. My God, its painful, and slow, and feels like learning to use a pencil all over again. But I’m beginning to see stuff appearing on the paper that is making me feel proud. Maybe not perfect, or even as good as I’d like, but its beginning to feel right. I want to paint – right now. I am itching to pick up a paint brush and lose myself. I do have a commission for a friend’s birthday - which is great, because it’s a real ‘project’. She saw a sketch I did, and wants it worked up. And I’m itching to get started.

The sketch is two people (a man and a woman, in case you’re wondering) kissing. It’s a bit cartoony, but is has a great feel. I did a little acrylic study of it, which she really liked, though I feel it lacks the passion of the original. Jenna (the friend) wants the people painted inside a heart, which makes me want to vomit. No, really. So trite and teenage. I have been mulling it over and have decided I want to paint them with their torso melding into one, and flowing round the bottom of the paper and becoming two white (pale?) trees, up either side, with the branches reaching over their heads and intertwining. Yeah, so it needs further thinking about, but at least I have a better idea than her! (No offence Jen sweetie).

I also at some point want to complete a triptych for my wall – I have three canvases waiting for me to make my mind up. I can’t even talk about my ideas for those – I have so many!

And another thing I started is this blog. Its getting me writing again. When I did my GCSEs I wrote tons of short stories, because I had loads of time. When I did my A-levels I had less time, so I wrote poems. But because I have had no time since strting uni I haven’t written anything for about 3 years. And that’s making even just writing a little bit of fluff for this blog like getting blood from a stone!

But maybe, with time, I’ll find that place again, and it’ll flow like blood from a cannula when you lose the cap…

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

On Call

I was on call yesterday, meaning I was in the Emergency Admissions unit. It was a great day – busy, interesting, great teaching, great practical stuff. It made me feel excited about medicine again. Which is a good feeling! The team on yesterday were great – lots of fun and enthusiasm for the job, which makes all the difference. HO and SHOs are so much better for 3rd year teaching, as they don’t pitch to teaching too high, and because its more casual and you can say stupid stuff! So I was excited and interested again today about medicine, and about learning.

However, Dr Smooth had another go at destroying me today. I actually was ok during his teaching – heart rate remained steady, not skyrocketing. Not so for the rest of my firm, who were very flustered today. But the bastard did ask me, and only me, to do a 10 minute presentation on rheumatoid arthritis for next Tuesday, without notes. Great. As if I haven’t enough to do. Thanks, Dr Smooth

PS saw a HUGE scrotal hernia yesterday, about the size of a melon. How do people let things get that far?!