Monday, April 09, 2007

Sometimes its all a bit much, this 'life' business

I’ve had a good couple of days, but can hardly believe the weekend is gone already. My post-exam chill out period is over, and now I have to get on with things. And I can’t explain why, but my stress levels are through the roof. I am on edge, feeling very tense and anxious, and unable to concentrate. Everything is worrying me.

I think it is a combination of worrying about Canada (some details are yet to be sorted out, plus the travel, plus anxiety over my placement), worrying about Spring Harvest (church camp…) and the lost of my support systems (family still in NZ, all my friends and housemates gone home).

Everything makes me cry. Phone call to my parents, programme on telly, song on the radio, a very silly film… I just want it all to go away. I want to feel on top of everything, in control.

And imagine what happened when I sat and watched My Girl yesterday, after buying it in a fit of nostalgia from HMV. That's right, I nearly drowned in my own tears.

Anyway, I am going to Spring Harvest this week, well Tuesday to Sunday, and I hope that I will feel better once I am there. Ha! Who am I kidding? I’m hoping to get out alive, and not be eaten alive by the Jesus Freaks. When I said yes to this particular adventure, I was feeling positive towards Christianity and my faith. Positive, in that faith might eventually come back to me. Now I am certain that even if I do find it again, it won’t be this week. I will endeavour to write posts by hand that can be posted dated, but in all honesty I think the next time I post will be slipped in between unpacking from Skeggy and packing for Canada. So probably a short one!


Marysienka said...

Let it go, wanting to be in control all the time is what kills us. I know it's not easy, we're control freaks in nature, but I know it's one of the sources that make you feel bad.
Going to Canada is very stressful, I have no doubt about it, so it's normal you feel this way. And if something happens while there, Tall and I are there ;)

Enjoy your time at camp, even if it doesn't bring your faith back, try to take advantage of this "free" time!
Hang in there girl!

Tall Medstudent said...

And MedNeo is here too. :)

med neophyte said...

Anything we can do, just give a shout.

I tend to go through a stress rebound effect after exams too. I think, for me, it has something about not knowing exactly what I am doing next. Or maybe it is loss of control after handing in the papers; worrying that gets transfered to all sorts of other things that normally wouldn't be an issue.