Sunday, August 12, 2007


I moved to Birmingham 4 years ago, in September 2003, to start my degree. But officially, I still live at home in Sussex. The bank, the university, anyone important – they all use my parents’ address as my home address. As far as they are concerned, I live in Sussex, with my parents, brother and sister, in a detached house built by my father in 1987. In reality I spend most of my time living with 4 other girls – 3 medics, 1 music graduate – in a Victorian terrace in Birmingham. This is my 4th address in Birmingham, my 4th ‘home’ here. And I do call both home. Which can be confusing… Some of my housemates and friends live in Birmingham – this is their only home, this is where they belong. Some are like me, equally divided in love and loyalty between Birmingham and their parents’ house. And some others still live at home with their parents, either within Birmingham or at a commutable distance.

I watched a property programme today, and began to think about owning my own house. Obviously this isn’t going to be happening for a couple of years yet (money will be tight for a few more years!), but it is a very exciting thought. My own home, a chance to put down roots. But right now I have no idea where I want to put down these roots. In October this year I will be applying for jobs, and so will probably be choosing to work in Hereford and Worscestershire, an more rural area to the south of Birmingham (at least, putting that area as my first choice!). Do I want to live there for the foreseeable future? I don’t honestly know. In some ways, I know that right now it isn’t that important, but it is unsettling. When I came to Birmingham, Sussex was still very much my home, and learning to love this place and consider it home has been a gentle, insidious process.

However, I feel that this will be the end of that duality. When I start working properly, home will be where I have my job and my life, not with my parents. I will have officially flown the nest, and I’m frightened by what that means. The sensation, if not the actuality, of being alone.

I hope that my naturally buoyant personality will pull through (laugh all you want. You only hear my woes because dumping them here is a superb outlet. I generally have an extremely sunny outlook) and I will find a way to make any place ‘home’. I already know I can find beauty almost anywhere, and I am an absolute sucker for beauty. Give me a touch of interesting lighting, and I’m head over heels in love. Easy like that, you see.

I’m trusting in God/fate/whatever you wish to call it that I will end up where I am meant to be. Be that Hereford, Worcester, Birmingham, wherever. And doing the right thing. I’m going to make choices that feel right, and hope that He is keeping a weather eye on my progress and will keep nudging things in the right directions. He’s done a grand job so far!

Currently wondering: if the bilateral cubital tunnel symptoms I have developed in the last few weeks will spontaneously disappear. Actually, I’m talking crap – I have just egaged brain and joined together the symptoms I had in March. Hmm. Think I will need my Mum to make me some night splints…

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