Oh, this feels hard. Squeezing porridge through muslin is the most accurate description, I think. I haven't been blogging becuase for a long time it didn't feel 'right'. And then I was worried about explaining the long gap, and obviously I would have needed to write a really stonking post to make it a come back with a bang.
So I decided to just go for it. No dipping of toes, just a full on jump in the pool of blogging, starting with what's happening with me.
Well, I have started the year after fourth year. More commonly known as fifth year, and even by some cocksure medical students as...final year. Gulp. I am so not ready for final year. I am so not ready to be done with medschool, and out there doing it.
Despite my deep misgivings, so far its been, well, quite enjoyable. I've started on obstetrics and gynaecology, and its very interesting. I wasn't exactly looking forward to it, as I have no desire to peer up vaginas, but it isn't actually that bad. Better than psychiatry for sure! Its made me simultaneously broody and determined never to conceive. Pregnancy and more specifically birth are shit scary. Pain, trauma, blood, agony, illness, death... but also a baby. And I'd really like one of those. Although newborns s me a little - I like em with a few months and a few pounds on em. All fat and powdery smelling. Lovely. Gynae is not so lovely. The poor women I've seen... our reproductive system is just waiting, lurking, ready to spring diaster upon us at anytime. And my goodness it is so undignified. But my consultant is an absolute sweetie, and so good at reassuring and supporting these women. I think he's fab! Not very interesting or humourous, but a true gentleman.
The new F1 (foundation programme year 1) doctors started on Wednesday. Meaning I am not within a year not only of graduating but of starting my job (touch wood!). I looked at the Foundation Schools today, ready for applying in October. I think it'll be Hereford and Worcestershire first choice. They have an F2 job with 1 4 month rotation in palliative care, which is pretty unusual. Also a fairly rural area, and hospitals that I know. Its going to be very strange, not being at medschool. Lots of people are going to be moving away... Mirabelle and I have decided to stick together, thought even that may be complicated by her boyfriend moving here. Oh, its all so up in the air. I wish it was all laid out, and ready. I don't feel grown up enough for life decisions yet.