They’re writing songs of love; but not for me.
A lucky star’s above; but not for me.
With love to lead the way, I’ve found more clouds of grey
Than any Russian play could guarantee.
I was a fool to fall and get that way,
Hey-ho, alas and also lack-a-day.
Although I can’t dismiss the memory of his kiss…
I guess he’s not for me.
~ George and Ira Gershwin
So it’s finally over. Officially.
I don’t know what to do with my self to be honest. I’ve realized (thanks to this blog…) that I’ve been caught in a vicious cycle with Tom for over a year. Which is so stupid and feels like such a waste. But it has not been one sided. Especially last weekend… He admits, he is attracted to me, and has thought about us being together for a while. I still am not entirely sure what is stopping us being together, since I see no problem. Possibly the problem is just him, full stop. He seems to think we can’t be together because it might all end in tears. I said our friendship is fucked; we might as well give it a go. He is apparently afraid of hurting me. Ha! He’s afraid of getting hurt; he knows full well he’s already stuck the knife in me.
It’s very hard to be mad at someone you’re halfway in love with.