Sunday, September 16, 2007

But not for me

They’re writing songs of love; but not for me.

A lucky star’s above; but not for me.

With love to lead the way, I’ve found more clouds of grey

Than any Russian play could guarantee.

I was a fool to fall and get that way,

Hey-ho, alas and also lack-a-day.

Although I can’t dismiss the memory of his kiss…

I guess he’s not for me.

~ George and Ira Gershwin

So it’s finally over. Officially.

I don’t know what to do with my self to be honest. I’ve realized (thanks to this blog…) that I’ve been caught in a vicious cycle with Tom for over a year. Which is so stupid and feels like such a waste. But it has not been one sided. Especially last weekend… He admits, he is attracted to me, and has thought about us being together for a while. I still am not entirely sure what is stopping us being together, since I see no problem. Possibly the problem is just him, full stop. He seems to think we can’t be together because it might all end in tears. I said our friendship is fucked; we might as well give it a go. He is apparently afraid of hurting me. Ha! He’s afraid of getting hurt; he knows full well he’s already stuck the knife in me.

Silly boy.

It’s very hard to be mad at someone you’re halfway in love with.


Marysienka said...

"It’s very hard to be mad at someone you’re halfway in love with." Well said... (I'm in that situation as well)

Are you sure it's officially over, he seems confused but did he say it was over?

Poor Anna! that sucks. Hang in there!

Anna said...

That indeed is a conundrum we both appreciate fully...!

How do nice sensible girls like us get into such messes?!

Marysienka said...

maybe the good boys are all already taken. lol ;)

Anna said...

there must be some left... surely?