Thursday, October 11, 2007

Tits Up

I am such a mess this week...

It started last week, with end-of-holiday-back-to-hospital blues. Then there was the new block terror of not being able to get everything in. Followed the stress of not having quite finished my elective write-up due in tomorrow at 5pm. With the added discomfort of my odd uncomfortable and achy left arm kicking in every night to prevent me sleeping. Oh, and the job applications are up and its horrendous. Finally, to cap it all off, today I bumped into Tom for the first time since... well, the first time since he broke my heart.

That was horrendous. I'm based at the one of two hospital sites for surgery, and we travelled to the other this lunchtime for grand round (weekly big hospital meeting with presentations and free lunch!). As the speaker was about to start, in walked the medicine students, based at that site, with Tom in their midst. I didn't know he was placed there, and I was completely unprepared. Unprepared to see him, and unprepared for my stupid reaction. I couldn't believe how far it threw me. I thought I was almost back to normal, but seems not. Then I saw him again this evening, at a meeting in Medschool and neither of us knew what to do. I miss him terribly as a friend but quite clearly I cannot be friends with him right now. He just wants to be as far away as possible from me, he made that abundantly clear. He did admit he missed our friendship, but he doesn't want any mess or guilt, and knows the only way is to cut communication.

For my part, I just want to be free of him.

All in all its been a shitty week. I really want something good to happen, and soon. I'm a walking train wreck right now - liable to burst into tears, snappy and agressive, not coping with the workload.

Thank goodness I can take tomorrow as a study day, finish my essay in my pjs then have a nice stroll to Medschool to print and hand in. And maybe claw back a little sanity. I hope, I hope...

1 comment:

Marysienka said...

sorry to hear you're feeling crappy. I guess I can understand...
about the story with Tom, I think it'll take some time to heal. I know I thought I was back to normal after seeing PC the other day, but forget it... I was a mess when I left the town and got back to school.

Your new block looks shitty too! Can you assist in surgeries or the role of a medstudent is just doing consults? I think it's like that here (we can scrub in once in a while, but I don't think it's all the time), although I don't mind because I've had enough of surgery already...

gotta go back to ethics... ugh!
hang in there girl!