Thursday, November 22, 2007

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

This week I am on GUM. That’s Genito-Urinary Medicine for the uninitiated. (Or willies and lady gardens, for my 13 year old sister).

It’s surprisingly ok. I mean, asking people all the nitty-gritty about their sex lives is not my top activity, but I can think of worse. Like scraping my eyeballs out with a spoon. It will always be worse for the patient – they have to answer the probing questions, and then lie back and have their intimate regions probed – so for that I can be grateful, and do my best to make it as easy as possible. Although so far I haven’t seen a single man who I felt sorry for. They’ve all been cheating bastards, and most of women I’ve seen have a cheating bastard at the root of their problems too.

I did have a very interesting conversation with my father about it all. He asked how my day had been, and I told him about sexual history taking. He then said ‘But it wasn’t you asking those questions, was it?’ He just doesn’t quite understand the whole ‘my daughter is going to be a doctor in 9 months’ thing. He’s going to have to change his whole view, because I’m his little girl, who he helps out of trouble, who’s now going to be a real professional. And being non-medical, the glamour surrounding doctors has never been shattered for him. You know what I mean, that view of the doctor being a wise and learned man, with great knowledge and compassion, the ability to save lives with half a biro, break bad news with a soft voice and kind eyes, to usher people into and out of life with the same elegant, aloof manner. Ha! As if it were like that… Sometimes I truly think that is what the patients expect, and it’s impossible. Sometimes I think we expect that of ourselves. That’s also impossible.

With my mother, the glamour didn’t last very long out of occupational therapy college… She and her colleagues consider most junior doctors (and some seniors!) to be totally incompetent. Which is a little harsh, because in reality we’re just doing our best in an impossible job.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

What if...?

Oh oh oh. Tom and I went out tonight, in the same group of friends. I was firstly pleased, because I know that for the last few months this group of friends has been split, depending on was organising, as to whether Tom or I (but never both) was invited along. But secondly I was scared, about seeing him. It turned out ok. Some dim dark corner of my heart still longs for him, but the sensible bit is able to stand away, and say ‘No, you absolutely deserve better.’

I just wish I could find better. I am so lonely and so frustrated. I have a huge amount of love sat waiting, waiting for someone to come along and say yes please, I’d like that. But no-one does.

In the last couple of weeks, two of my stalwart single friends have become halves of couples. And ridiculously happy with it. Will it ever be me? Will I ever have the chance to be crazy happy and wear the silly grin of love?

All of my life plans involve finding someone to share those plans with. Marriage, kids, building a house, I’m screwed if I am destined to be alone. I will have to rethink everything I’ve ever wanted.

How long do I wait before I change the Plan?

Friday, November 16, 2007

Busy Busy Me

Apologies for sporadic posting of late - I'm coming to the end of my surgery block, and it's all got a wee bit busy!

I had a fantastic but packed week on the surgical admissions unit last week, and really felt as though I'm beginning to get a grip on the job I'll be doing next year (fingers crossed, touching wood). I clerked patients and helped formulate management plans, took a million tubes of blood, wrote imaging forms and ran them to radiolgy, discovered the location of the blood bank to (literally) run urgent cross matches to, put in venflons and catheters (not at the same time...!), and even attended a bit of teaching. Phew.

It was a fast paced week, where I spent every day in SAU from 8am til 6pm, but I learnt a huge amount. Not about pathophysiology or aetiology, but about common presentations and the management of surgical patients. Invaluable.

This week I have been suffering with grumbling ill health. Yuk. And an attachment to Urology. Double yuk.

Oh, and the bloody boiler has packed in, and may not be fixed til Monday. Sigh.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007


I finally finishes my foundation programme application form tonight, and then Mirabelle and I sat next to each of the sofa with our laptops and pressed submit together...


Mirabelle also bought me a box of Maltesers, becuase I spent well over an hour with her yesterday polishing her answers. Lily had sent me hers last week. I thought they were excellent - far better then mine could ever be. She then sent me a new set of answers, equally good, on Sunday, and another last night, again extremely good... She definitely needs to step away from the keyboard!