Sunday, November 18, 2007

What if...?

Oh oh oh. Tom and I went out tonight, in the same group of friends. I was firstly pleased, because I know that for the last few months this group of friends has been split, depending on was organising, as to whether Tom or I (but never both) was invited along. But secondly I was scared, about seeing him. It turned out ok. Some dim dark corner of my heart still longs for him, but the sensible bit is able to stand away, and say ‘No, you absolutely deserve better.’

I just wish I could find better. I am so lonely and so frustrated. I have a huge amount of love sat waiting, waiting for someone to come along and say yes please, I’d like that. But no-one does.

In the last couple of weeks, two of my stalwart single friends have become halves of couples. And ridiculously happy with it. Will it ever be me? Will I ever have the chance to be crazy happy and wear the silly grin of love?

All of my life plans involve finding someone to share those plans with. Marriage, kids, building a house, I’m screwed if I am destined to be alone. I will have to rethink everything I’ve ever wanted.

How long do I wait before I change the Plan?

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