Saturday, September 29, 2007

Finished!

The exams are over!

This weekend has been a very long time coming, and it's been lovely to do no work today and not feel guilty! I can say nothing more constructive about the exams other than they are over. We shall just have to wait for the results next Friday....

In other news, my mum told me today that my beloved Nan was diagnosed with a uterine sarcoma last week. Mum held off telling me until the exams were over, because she didn't want to add to my stress. It's a mixed Mullerian mesodermal tumour, or uterine carcinosarcoma, with a crap prognosis. I'm so worried about her. The thought of not having my Nan around any more frightens me.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Today I have been mostly chuckling at this.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

One down...

So the exam...

Well, it wasn't exactly good. I started with the Paeds section and was gobsmacked by the insanity of the questions. Obs and Gynae a little more as expected, but still not my idea of fun.

But still, life goes on, and I spent this afternoon 1) painting Lily's running vest for the Great North Run (she's raising money for the Anthony Nolan Trust, and yes I am on the register), 2) going for a wee run with Sylvia 3) practicing counselling cases with Di and 4) going out for dinner for a friend's farewell to Birmingham, as he's leaving to do a PhD at Cambridge this weekend.

Yeah, it got much better!

Monday, September 24, 2007

It all kicks off tomorrow...

First exam tomorrow morning - the Paeds MCQ and Obs and Gynae SAQ. Fun!

So of course today, I have been doing lots of revision and not messing about on the internet at all. Ahem. So I didn't find this at all. I think it's the most brilliant piece of 55 word fiction I've ever read. I love it.

Currently eating: emergency tub of Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Still revising, but humour intact

Sylvia and I went for a run yesterday morning. We were both slopping around in our pjs at nearly lunchtime, and so decided to be dynamic before showering and getting on with the day. We've been running together for about 6 or 7 weeks now, but the last 2 have been poor... We don't go very far, but its nice to get out and get moving.

So anyway, we both threw on some clothes, scrapped back our hair and hit the street. As we were leaving the house, I was fretting about my VPL (visible panty line) as I put on some atrocious granny knickers under my jogging bottoms. Sylvia grinned slyly and announced that she had no such problem, as she 'wasn't wearing any pants'. And as I stared at her disbelievingly, she proceeded to prove it, by flashing me one bum cheek. In the street.

I mean, it was a very nicely bronzed and toned cheek, but at 11am in the street?!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Life ain't Grand

Still trying to revise. Still failing miserably.

(I’m really missing Tom today. It’s really beginning to piss me off. We have pretty much dropped our friendship, which I think is the only way I can stop being so hung up on him, but I do miss him).

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I'm sitting in the medschool common room, supposedly revising, but in reality just to bored of it.

I hate revision. I hate exams. Well, I guess I don't hate written exams, and MCQs even less, but I passionately fear and loathe clinical exams. And next week I have TWO. A viva on my Obs and Gynae cases, and a OSCE in Paeds. It's going to be awful.

On a lighter note, aren't patients amazingly speical sometimes. I saw a mother and her 3 children, aged between 1 year and 6 years in A&E today. The place where you take very sick children, ie after an Accident, or in an Emergency, the clue being in the title. These 3 children has sore throats. No fever, no cold symptoms, just sore throats. The mother had brought them in because they hadn't got better since seeing their GP. I asked when she had taken them to see the GP.

'This morning,' she replied.

....

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A&E

I've spent the last two days in A&E (Accident and Emergency; ER) and it's been great. I've seen lots of acute but minor stuff, and had the chance to take histories and examine first, then present to the teraching fellow. The teaching fellow is great - we've had teaching based on every case. I feel much more confident in my approach to examining kids, which is fairly useful considering finals are next week...

Eeeeek!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Having Fun In Paediatrics

Hmm, distinctly lacking on the medical based posting recently...

I met the sweetest little girl today, on the renal dialysis unit. I was shadowing the play specialist attached to the unit, and had been to see a couple of other patients, learning precisely nothing. This girl was 11 years old, with learning difficulties. Her speech was quite poor, but her understanding pretty good, and she was BORED. She wanted someone to keep her occupied for the 4 hours she was hooked up to the haemodialysis machine, and was making a lot of noise about it. For hour no 3, I was the designated entertainment. I grabbed some felt pens and colouring pictures, and pulled up a chair next to her and the haemodialysis machine. She chose a picture and a pen, and the fun began! She was only allowed to move her left arm, as the right was hooked up to all the tubes, so I was in charge of holding the paper steady and helping her take off and put back on the lids of the pens. And I wasn't exactly good at my job, which made her crow with delight. She picked the whackiest colours for everything, because her favourite colour was 'rainbow'. So everything had to have all the colours on at some point... Possibly she was just giving me maximum practice at pulling the lids on and off, who knows? I wouldn't have put in past her! It was definitely the most fun I've had in the children's hospital!

Currently eating: delicious cinnamony muffin from Tesco with apple, raspberry and sunflower and pumpkin seeds in. Mmmmmmm.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

But not for me

They’re writing songs of love; but not for me.

A lucky star’s above; but not for me.

With love to lead the way, I’ve found more clouds of grey

Than any Russian play could guarantee.

I was a fool to fall and get that way,

Hey-ho, alas and also lack-a-day.

Although I can’t dismiss the memory of his kiss…

I guess he’s not for me.

~ George and Ira Gershwin




So it’s finally over. Officially.

I don’t know what to do with my self to be honest. I’ve realized (thanks to this blog…) that I’ve been caught in a vicious cycle with Tom for over a year. Which is so stupid and feels like such a waste. But it has not been one sided. Especially last weekend… He admits, he is attracted to me, and has thought about us being together for a while. I still am not entirely sure what is stopping us being together, since I see no problem. Possibly the problem is just him, full stop. He seems to think we can’t be together because it might all end in tears. I said our friendship is fucked; we might as well give it a go. He is apparently afraid of hurting me. Ha! He’s afraid of getting hurt; he knows full well he’s already stuck the knife in me.

Silly boy.

It’s very hard to be mad at someone you’re halfway in love with.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Heartbroken

He doesn't want me.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

'Medicine Sucks' quoth I

I’m feeling snowed under.

There is more to know in medicine than one person can ever know. That doesn’t stop us undergrads trying though… Our first Finals are 2 weeks away, and all of us are feeling the strain.

OSCE stress is beginning to freak me out. I have Obs & Gynae and Paeds, which, relative to Medicine or Surgery modules, are the easiest. I’m still really scared. I swing from thinking it’ll be ok, and I know enough stuff to get through, to blind terror I’ll fail. Miserably.

Urgh. I wish it were over.

Oh, and just to add to my joy Tom and I are still very much in limbo. He’s um-ing and ah-ing and generally being weird, while all our mutual friends consider it a done deal. I’m just waiting to be very happy or flattened really. Strange place to find myself.

Currently enjoying: the My Little Pony cake my mum had delivered to me yesterday. Complete with sparkling rosé Pinot Grigio. Hurrah for daft and loving mothers!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Whaaaat?!?

One minute, everything was as it always was. The next, everything changed. I had no idea a single kiss could be so sweet. I had no idea it would be you. In my wildest imaginings I did not see this. I think no-one did, least of all you! But now it has happened and we have to find a way to move forward, wherever it will take us. I could love you, if you ask me to. I could follow you to the ends of the earth, if you need me to.

But how about we just see what happens on Monday, when I meet you for a drink, eh?

Monday, September 03, 2007

Porridge Through Muslin Again

I tried to write-up my elective today. It was hard work. I have to produce a written reportabout what I learnt in Canada, in 6000 words. On the one hand, thats far too many for the few but important things I learnt, and on the other, it cannot possibly be enough to convey the experience I had. Sigh.

Currently giggling: at this.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Acute Paeds

I've been very busy this week, but I've had a great time at the Children's, attached to the General Paediatric Team. They deal with the 'District General' cases presenting to the hospital, ie they're secondary care, nor tertiary care. I was on-call in A&E (Accident and Emergency Department, the NHS's ER) on Tuesday night, and had a very busy and interesting evening.

The most frightening case I saw was a 4 year old boy with respiratory arrest and prolonged fitting possibly due to lignocaince OD (not given in hospital!). He continued fitting on rectal Diazepam and 2 lots of IV Lorazepam, end intubated and on a infusion of Midazolam. I really thought that he was screwed – but 24 hours later he was causing havoc on the ward, running around in a hospital gown, flashing all and sundry! Thank God for the resilience of kids!

I’ve also been cuddling lots of babies this week, practicing my developmental exams. I love babies, especially the way their skin feels – so soft and delicate. It’s all new and perfect, with no age or sun damage. Like the inside of a new sweatshirt, but time and washing machines spoil that. Not that I’m suggesting you put your baby in a washing machine. Baths only for them please.