Thursday, April 10, 2008

The way ahead is unclear

There's 2 weeks left until medicine finals.

2 weeks left until the last set of exams.

2 weeks until the end of 5 years of work.

I'm terrified. Firstly, because 'ohmigod it's like medicine finals, they're soooo hard!', and secondly, because this the last hurdle to the real world. I've spent five years working towards this moment, and I'm worried this is going to be the one I fail. I'm going to cock up, and everyone will know I'm a fraud.

Passing these exams would be massive. It would be the start of my life. Once you get over medicine finals, you're a doctor. Yeah, a real life actual honest-to-god doctor. This means you are supposed to know stuff. Clever, useful medical stuff. I don't. Ooops. I've got through the last five years by half arsing my way through every topic and every set of exams. And now I'm supposed to recall this information?! It's all going to go horribly wrong.

I desperately want it to be over, and I desperately don't. Argh. Everyone keeps talking about after exams, and making plans, and I can't. I am very superstitious about this sort of thing, and have been touching wood even more than usual in the last few weeks. I'm scared that taking it (it meaning passing medicine and the whole getting a degree thing) will jinx it, and the future I want is going to go skipping off into the merry sunset with some other lucky bastard.

My brain can't cope with the enormity of the whole thing. Put it this way, 4 weeks today I could be finding out I've made it, I'm going to be a doctor. Or I could be crying into my emails because I've fallen at the final hurdle...

2 comments:

the little medic said...

"Ooops. I've got through the last five years by half arsing my way through every topic and every set of exams. And now I'm supposed to recall this information?! It's all going to go horribly wrong."


Oh how familiar that sounds. For me it is 4 weeks. 4 weeks until my week of finals involving 3 exams. This means that in 5 weeks, my 5 years will be over too.

Shit.

Oh, and good luck

Anna said...

Argh argh argh.

Still feeling the fear is inspiring me to doing a little more work than usual. Still not a lot, but better than usual.

Good luck to you too.