Working is turning me into a zombie who goes to hospital, comes home from hospital, eats, sleeps, goes back to hospital. I feel like I have no life except the one I have there. Especially on days like Wednesday, when I did a 14 hour shift: 8am-5pm as my day job, T&O F1 and then 5pm-9.30pm as Medical F1 on call (I know thats only 13.5 hours, but I was there til 10pm finishing off clerking a patient and handing him over). I think that may not be entirely legal, and I shall be looking into this for further discussion with medical staffing...
The on-call was pretty hard. I've been arsing about in T&O with no real patients of my own for a week, and it was big shock to have to actually see patients with real medical problems and have to use my brain for more than working out whether that x-ray shows an intra or extracapsular fractured neck of femur. I feel I am going to do most of my learning on MAU this block!
I am averaging about 2 episodes of panic a day currently, a major reduction from the first day, where I was completing 2 full episodes of panic every 10 minutes, but still enough to be causing high stress levels. I haven't cried yet - nearly did in pre-op but managed to hold it together AND sort the problem out too. I know, that's just like a real doctor.
My brain is also pretty scrambled by it all, which is of course the reason this post is so ridiculously jumbled and flighty. Being a doctor is hard.